Thoughts of a Lifetime

Research has shown that monogamy isn’t natural for humans. As a species we went so long being polyamorous what made that sort of relationship a huge NO-NO. Science has shown us that we carry the biological imprint of polygamy, the opposite of lifelong fidelity to one human. So, why is it such a HUGE problem when our partners even look at another person? Why is jealousy so deep-seeded in us?

Don’t get me wrong, there are individuals who go too far with having too many relationships on the go. But, what I do want to know is this: What was the first step into making that decision? Was it mutual from the start?

I just want to sit down and have a conversation to understand. I am thoroughly intrigued.

Why?

Because I have always been different, I guess?

Let me explain.

I have come to understand myself in multiple lights, from multiple angles, through various perspectives – positive and negative. All of these things I embrace about myself. I have learned that not everyone will understand or be able to come to grips with some of the quirks about myself – and that is okay. I also don’t hide away from anything because at a certain point in my life, I did, I denied myself the authentic version of who I am.

Am I a monogamous person? Yes, 100%.

Do I find other people attractive – mentally, physically, regardless of their identity? 100%.

Have I been the person to leave options open? Of course, life is continually changing but that doesn’t mean I would actively pursue any course of action there.

Have I been the one to want to be chased? 100%.

Am I also the one to get annoyed or grow tired of the consistency of one person? 100%.

Have I pushed and pulled? 100%.

Have I said one thing and done another? 100%.

Have I done things I am not proud of? 100%.

Do I get jealous? Not really.

Could I see myself being with more than one person physically? Not really.

Have I ignored the person who stayed, who cared about me more than anything? 100%.

Have I chased after someone who treated me like absolute garbage? 100%.

Have I chased after someone after they left because they had manipulated me into believing that I couldn’t do or be anything without them? 100%.

Have I been the one to give and give, so they would take more? 100%.

Have I been the one to take less and less, even when they gave more? 100%.

Do I believe that sometimes we need different people in our lives to satisfy different things? 100%, and that’s not to say I want to physically be with more than one person. I just know that, for myself, I need to have different depths of conversations with people because I have such a diverse and complex mind that I easily become stagnant with the same conversations, with the same routines, etc. You can say what you want about it, it’s how I feel, and that is completely okay.

Where am I going with this?

To get it out there? Sure.

To give those people who hold in their deepest thoughts and feelings to themselves a sense of relief? 100%.

I am not ashamed of myself or regret anything I have done because each step has brought me here. It has brought me into a space of loving myself with my imperfections. It has brought me an understanding that not everyone fits inside a dictionary definition of normal. It has allowed me to come to terms with my faults, my missteps, my bad qualities and see them for what they are.

You see, everyone has those things, things that not everyone will understand and not everyone will accept.

But, here’s the thing, if you own who you are… the things that people don’t understand or accept will be the furthest thing from their own minds. The good ones, the real ones will stand beside you because they too have those same quirks of their own.

Don’t shame yourself because you don’t fit into some box.

Don’t shame yourself for having different feelings or beliefs.

Don’t shame yourself for being true to you.

Embrace yourself.

Ask the tough questions.

Do the research.

Reach out to a friend.

Find your weirdo.

Be your own weirdo.

Be you.

Stay you.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s