How do you even know?
How could it possibly happen like this?
How did I get this lucky?
How did I find you amongst all the chaos?
How is this real?
I don’t even know if I have all the answers. I don’t know if I will ever be able to explain how the fall didn’t even feel like falling at all – it was more like I walked into you so effortlessly like I would a wall that jumped out at me (yes, walls move – don’t challenge me on this). I don’t know if I can articulate this feeling, this elated bliss that comes so naturally.
I don’t know what I did to deserve you, to get so lucky – but you are everything I ever hoped or dreamed I could ever find. Because everything before you pales in comparison. Because everything after you doesn’t even exist.
All I see is you. All I want is you. All I need is you.
Sure, I’ve fallen before – hell, I swear I fall in love with everyone I meet in some way – but, something about this feels different. I have felt the feelings that start out so small you’d miss them if you weren’t looking for them. I have felt the feelings that run into you like a ten-ton truck, leaving you feeling ambushed. I have felt the quiet ones, and the loud. I’ve experienced the adrenaline, the soft whispers.
And, just when I thought I had experienced it all… there you are.
It was as if I was skyrocketed into space, gravity falling away, and then it no longer existed. Now, now I have the time to take you all in because here I am, suspended in this eternal pause as I get to know every inch of you. Because time starts to stand still even if the days pass by quicker than ever. Time is finally on our side. It’s that feeling of waking up in the morning knowing someone has your back, they got you. It’s the way I know I will never take anything for granted, it’s the way I look at you with such adoration and affection – all of it for you, only you.
This time, all of these feelings come from a place of want, of need.
It’s like meeting another best friend, learning everything there is to know about them and not feeling rushed to do so. There’s no time constraints because I finally understand that it’s endless. These are the moments that I will recall years from now because these, these are the good parts – the best parts. I never want to stop learning about you, ever.
And, you know… that fear, the fear that comes when you think that something could end? I can honestly say, with clarity, that I can confidently look at this whole situation and just know; I know that even without a guarantee of anything at all, that you will be here for a good chunk of time. I can sense that. I can see that you have the same feeling.
You make me want to be the best version of myself, not only for you but for me. Because I can already be exactly who I am – goofy, honest, vulnerable, clumsy, witty – without worry that you will judge me or think differently of me. It’s the way that you understand me, already. It’s the way I understand you.
It’s the moment when we lock eyes, that I feel it the most. The butterflies in my stomach, fluttering so quickly that all it does is make me feel warm and happy. It is so different from anything I have ever felt before. It’s the kind of feeling that stays without begging it to, adores without any restraints, holds on when it is easier to say goodbye. I’m not worried about tomorrow anymore, because even with how much I miss you when we aren’t talking, the second I hear your voice again is the moment everything becomes clear all over again.
It’s in getting to know you, truly know you. Figuring out the little things – all the things that you would love to erase and rewrite but know that you can’t hide from any of it. It’s how you take the time to carefully choose your words, how you’re slowly coming out of your shell. It’s how even if I tell you all about my mistakes, my chaos, my struggles; you process it but you also know that it isn’t who I am now. You see me, mistakes and all, and still look at me like you do because whatever has happened in the past shouldn’t directly affect the present.
Timing of things doesn’t necessarily determine anything – yet, for the first time, it’s almost as if things are just falling to place how they do for people with luck on their sides. It’s almost as if the universe itself is finally rooting for all the wins.
It’s in these moments that I realise this: This, this is going to be something epic. It is going to shake the world. It is going to take a lot of planning, a lot of work. Maybe ruin some lives, cause some bloodshed along the way – who knows, really. Because no one, no one writes songs about the ones that come easy. And this album we are writing, we will write together, it will be a magical symphony of all the genres, all the adventures, all the words that come all too easily.
Because, this, you – you stood out. You picked me, you chose me. And, I did the same – probably way sooner than I will actually admit too.
So, when your fingers interlock with mine, that’s when we will take on this world – finally.
I can’t wait.