I used to chase a lot of things: perfection, wealth, beauty, people – thinking that I would finally be enough, finally be worthy of someone telling me that: “I had it all together.” I used to have this image so clear in my mind of who I thought I wanted to be, a growing list of impossibles that I could never reach.
But the most I chased after those things, the emptier I became.
I used to think that in order to be a good person, I had to figure out the meaning of life, never hurt anyone or voice my own opinions or feelings. But, boy, do I have something to tell you – life has a funny way of teaching you lessons.
Because the more I fell down, the easier it was to pick myself up.
Because the more I let my sassy stubborn self out, the more I was challenged – the more I was loved.
I realised that life, life isn’t about perfection or attaining the unattainable. Life is about embracing and becoming that messy, firecracker beautiful being you are. Life is about sharing that person with the world.
Because now, when I think about who I want to become, it’s not about beauty or riches; it’s not about having it together 100% of the time; it’s not about being the best, or having all the latest and greatest things.
I realised that my life, my purpose is about finding and creating the joy and happiness, it’s about celebrating life and all it has to offer – because, I’m here, every single day.
I don’t need to be the greatest. I don’t want to hear that I’m perfect. I don’t want to hold myself to that standard any longer. I don’t want to spend my days endlessly comparing myself to the pictures that are edited on the Internet.
I don’t want to stress myself out thinking I have to be stretched so thin, or fill shoes that are too big. I don’t want to obsess over the things I am doing, where I am going, or what I know.
All I want is to just trust in the universe, in my own two feet and the heart (and mind) that keeps me going. I’m walking down my own path, it is leading me to who I am supposed to become – that I know for sure.
And now that I don’t worry about that, I just want to take all of the good parts in life and fucking enjoy them.
Because, honestly, it’s not about what we can gain, but what we can give. It isn’t about the material possessions we own or the riches we can store, but the ways in which we can bless one another and be content where we are. It’s not about grabbing everything we can – it’s about learning, letting go, growing, and finding moments to celebrate.
I don’t want to be someone else.
I don’t want to be the best.
I don’t want to feel like I am always struggling, and never good enough.
I don’t want to waste time.
I want to embrace all that I am.
I want to celebrate each day.
All I want to be is happy.
I want to be the person that finds hope in the brokenness.
I want to find light in the dark.
I just want to be happy… even if that’s being naive.