I Don’t Want to Fight

Let me start here:

No one is perfect.

In fights (or discussions) no one is right or wrong.

Love is a roller-coaster.

There are no happily-ever-afters.

Because if you think about it, if you REALLY think about it, life, and love alike, is a long-winding book that is not limited to some clinched ending (and I fucking love fairy tales and Disney).

Because, you see, what fairy tales and (most) Disney movies fail to recreate or tell is the fighting part. They want to show you the highlights, the sparkles, the sunshine. They don’t tell you of the turbulence that you are bound to hit – the ricocheting words, the rage, the depression, the emptiness.

Because it is within these chaotic chapters of our lives that you find our love. It’s within the extreme episodes that sometimes need comic bubbles just so you can remember who said what.

Because the force of these chapters, the ones that you don’t care to mention, are the ones that knock us down the most.

Ironically enough these moments of madness also have the power to rebuild everything that is crumbling around us from the ground up.

Why?

Because we know at the back of our minds that the shitstorm that is upon us won’t last, and at the end of the day, it is only a manifestation of the incinerating passion that we feel for each other. It makes us realise just how much we are willing to fight the wrongs within our relationships to make them right again.

And sometimes, it is just out of pure anger – and that’s okay too.

I can remember some that have taken place in my life…

Like the time I sat there as his best friend punched the wall beside me because I wouldn’t do something.

Or the time we were driving and she got so frustrated that she pulled over, fists clenched and just screamed at me.

Or the time where he punched the wall instead of punching a face.

Or the time where he sped so quickly that the car almost flipped.

Or the time she was so scared that the only way she could think of to release the pain was to hurt herself.

Countless hurricanes.

Because it’s true what they say – the most passionate love is also the most violent.

There are so many times where I just, I just have so much anger and rage built up inside of me but yet, I know that you all will still love me…

but yet, I pick the fight anyways.

Extremes.

Opposite ends.

No middle ground.

On the good days, euphoria plays the biggest role.

On the bad days, it’s a collusion of the most turbulent forces of nature.

Extremes.

Opposite ends.

No middle ground.

But this is just a book we are talking about. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s the sound of music that plays from the playlist you made. It’s the laughter that sometimes fills the room. It’s the broken glass scattered on the floor, it’s the slam of a door, the sound of footsteps walking away. It’s the tear-stained pillows, the glitter still on the bathroom counter. It’s the key left waiting, the shoes no one wears anymore, the shaving bag that still smells like him.

It’s life.

There isn’t a happily-ever-after here.

But I think the labyrinth of highs and lows, while it can be painful, it is also beautiful.

This is our version.

And I don’t think I would have it any other way.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s