If You Love Me

I don’t know how many countless hours I have spent trying to come to a place in my life where I love myself, and love myself enough to see that who I am is enough.

I don’t know how many countless hours I have spent trying to come up with words, ideas, inklings of how I am supposed to go on with my life.

I don’t know how many countless hours I have spent trying to articulate who I am, what I want, what I need.

So, if you love me, let go. Please, let go of all of the things that you had previously known about me, I am not that person anymore. Let go of the fear, the pressures, the restraints, the baggage of your prior connections because I don’t need them – I am not them. Let go of the way you have held onto the things and people in your life that you love because that is not how you are going to have to love me. Let go of all of those insecurities, the negativity, the anxiety that constantly circles your mind because those things that tell you that something is going to go wrong, that you should hold up the caution sign, telling you that I will leave. Those voices, you know, don’t speak the truth – not here.

If you love me, let your mind fall silent. Close your eyes, picture the good. Picture the way your hand feels in mine, the light that catches, the soft smiles. See the way everything just falls to place, the way that I will inevitably reach for you when I need your guidance. Feel the softness of my skin under your fingertips. Imagine all of the possibilities.

If you love me, please, just trust me. Watch as I talk to others, watch as I light up when I speak of my passions. Be patient as I wander, as I spend time alone, as I find myself. Allow me to be who I am, and trust in my promises.

If you love me, you will let me grow. I know I am a little slow to things, I know that my life has fallen off course, but there is no timeline here. Take my hand but don’t guide me. I need to stumble, I need to fall, I need to learn. Because when I need you, I will find you.

If you love me, you will let me just be. Let me be as I am – strong but gentle, soft but passionate. Don’t try to take away, shift, or stifle my ideas, change my personality. Let me be who I am, let me change, and grow and flourish the way that I was supposed to.

Because if you love me, you will let me be wild.

Don’t hold me back or cling so tightly that I have no choice but to pull away. If I create a natural distance between us, from you, from any of you, it’s only because I am trying to chase my dreams, because I need to focus on me, because I am busy or focused – it is not because I lost the connection or want to run.

Let me run and dance.

Let me sing and create.

Let me wake up early and go back to sleep.

Let me be free; not in the sense that you all will have to watch me leave, but in the sense that you will get to witness me bloom.

That’s all I can ask for.

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