The Love You (Might) Experience

I have always been the biggest advocate of love.

Love is like literature with a beginning, middle, and an end. The characters and plots will always vary, and from time to time, love can end in some horrible cliffhanger leaving us questioning so much.

Love will always have an effect on us no matter how it comes into our lives. It will change us, teach us, and ruin us.

It’s honestly like a good book because when you finish it you have no idea what to do with all of your spare time.

Each one of us is our own anthology of love stories because no two people will ever be able to experience the same love twice or in the exact same way.

What am I getting at here?

It’s been said that we only really fall in love with three people in our lifetime. And looking back on my life now, as I have been so much lately, it’s kind of scary to realise that this might really be true.

Your first love, do you remember it? Do you remember what it felt like – the butterflies, the static, the heart palpitations. Mostly because it was such a new feeling, a feeling like you could be infinite in those stolen moments. Sometimes it’s because you were so young. But ultimately, it’s because your first love is your most idealistic love.

But what I am going to tell you now might hurt a bit – the three stages or people that you will ultimately fall in love with, won’t be singular, there are going to be times when you have to cycle through so many relationships just to learn these silly lessons that are supposed to be your revelations.

And our feelings WILL betray us.

Your first love, most often, won’t even be a real relationship. It will be an almost relationship, one based on naivety and not knowing what the hell you are doing. This relationship is a “we’re holding hands in public, kissing in secret, palms sweating, where do I put my hands” situation. Because not everyone has those high school relationships like we tend to see in the movies.

Your first love(s) will show you that there are so many people out there ready to chase you, get you, and flake. They will meet your expectations, to a point, and only half-commit to you until someone better comes along. It’s what makes the second love so appealing.

Your second love is supposed to be the one that is your hardest, it is the one that is going to teach you the most. It will enable you to realise exactly how you want to feel, how you want to be loved, and how you need to be shown love. This is the love that is going to wreck you.

This is where we think that we are going to make better choices, but really… you don’t. Why? Because we like to hang on.

Our second love becomes this grueling cycle, repeating itself so often that you wonder why it didn’t end sooner, why you kept accepting the same bullshit. Yet, we keep trying, and ultimately it just ends more along the lines of an atomic bomb than a happy parting.

Your second love will claim to love you more than anything, or anyone, ever could – but this doesn’t mean that they are the person for you. You become complacent, indecisive, you remain in denial for so long that you end up saying fuck it. Love isn’t about compatibility, it isn’t, don’t let anyone tell you that it is. Just because you have a lot of things in common doesn’t mean that you are destined to wind up together – maybe they are a great friend because of this which is why you get blinded in the first place.

Your second love is there to teach you this: attraction, infatuation, obsession. None of that equals love. It will never be sustainable. It is an addiction. It’s what keeps you on the emotional roller coaster. You become a junkie because all of the lows that you experiences are shadowed by the highs.

This love is more about making it work than whether it actually should.

And then you turn the corner, sitting there waiting like a good cup of tea, is our third love. This is the one that usually looks the most wrong on paper, it will destroy everything that we thought love was supposed to be because we were taught that love was supposed to be work – but this love, this love is easy. It’s the kind where the connection that you have with that person can’t be explained but they still knock you off your fucking feet every single time they look at you.

It’s the love that we never planned.

This is the love that accepts us, completely and wholeheartedly, for who we are.

This is not what you would envision love to look like, it doesn’t abide by any rules, it doesn’t play it safe.

This love just keeps knocking, and knocking, until we answer – no matter how long it takes.

This love just feels right.

But at the same time, your third love will possibly be your hardest. Your third love will come to you at the most unexpected time, at the most unexpected place.

Because love isn’t something that you go out and find – love is something that you develop over time. This love will be the real teacher, and the others… well, they were just there to prepare you for this one.

Because this relationship will make you feel something you have never felt before, this relationship makes you who you are.

Yes, it will always feel right, even when it may be wrong.

Just be careful with this one.

Your third love isn’t here to fix you – their job is to walk beside you as you do it for yourself.

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