I want you to know this, you, and only you were my great love. But I also want you to know this, and it might hurt to hear it, you will not be my greatest.
And you are probably just as confused as I am to hear that, because no matter how hard I look for the answers to all of my questions about us, I just can’t find them… ever.
Because I sit here, wondering why a relationship that has been tested so many times and stood so strong, has suddenly felt like more work than anything else. It makes me think that maybe all of the broken pieces of the past are catching up to us. Or maybe, just maybe, the foundation we thought was so strong wasn’t at all.
I’ve had nights where I have sat up, jolted out of my sleep because of the dreams where I lose my greatest love, the love of my lifetime, and I don’t know where else to go or how to start moving forward because I have gotten so used to you being there with every step that I take. But, after months of straight contemplation on this, I realised that maybe that was my mistake. Getting so used to you being there that I lost who I was on my own, I lost my fucking independence. It has made me soft, made my strong personality become weak – I lost myself while holding so hard onto you. And I don’t know if this goes on inside your head, but it should. Because I, for sure, don’t like feeling like this – I’ve never felt so defeated by my own self.
Losing you, losing us, felt like my entire world decided to shatter right before me – but I was wrong, so wrong. In truth, I think losing each other was some sort of blessing in disguise. Because one day, one day, we will find that people who are meant to be by our sides. One day we will stand up for what we love, something that has been so difficult, for both of us. Because when we are together it was so difficult to do that, and maybe in leaving each other, it will make us better.
And I know, again, that this is going to hurt you to hear: I thought you were my great love, but I was wrong. I just thought of it that was because of all the time that we had spent together. I think we spent more time yelling than laughing, hurting each other at every turn even if we didn’t realise it at the time. But yet, we still called it love, and it wasn’t doing us any good. It was probably because we thought we were meant for one another.
But if I have learned anything, it is this: Time doesn’t guarantee that you will end up with one person for your lifetime. It’s a hard pill to swallow, especially for me, but it’s the truth.
So, I guess it’s good one us, for letting each other go when we did. For allowing us to have the chance for other people to enter our lives and nurture us further into who we always were just couldn’t be together.
Thank you for stopping by in my life, for leaving the mark that you did.
Because I will never regret falling in love with you; instead, I will forever be thankful, because if it weren’t for you, I would still be that weak person who depended on you.
Thank you, my great love, but you were never my greatest love.