How often do you look into the past? Is it something you do often? How much of it do you carry with you?
Because when it comes down to it, the only parts of the past that still exist are the ones that you hold onto. The only parts of the past that should be there are the lessons that you were taught, the memories of your childhood, the scars on your skin that tells stories of trauma or hilarity, the homes that we have built, and the people who walk beside us.
Because we never truly walk away from anything in our lives. We just outgrow them. It’s rare that anything that has been removed from our lives have left because of a lack of love.
Because even if you think about it – if there wasn’t any love there in the first place, we wouldn’t be so attached to someone or something.
We don’t walk away when the love isn’t there or if we run out of love to give.
We walk away because we see nothing left, no room to grow.
We walk away not because we aren’t still enamored by you, but because there is just something within their plans and our plans that just can’t sync up, and there’s no more time to sacrifice. We walk away not because the warmth isn’t felt but because there is no future with the walls of this house.
We leave when staying is unsustainable.
We leave because there is no other option, even if we look and look, and the one we are walking away from is still someone we love very much.
Because the sad truth is this: you are going to fight with every person you are in a relationship with, often about things that you clash on or things that you are passionate about, and with just as much intensity as the person yelling back at you.
The truth is that you are going to loose your job, quit your job, struggle financially, lose things, gain things, be sad, be lost – no matter who you are with or where you go.
You cannot just give yourself a shot and magically all of that just goes away because you put yourself into a new circumstance.
The truth is that you are going to get hurt, you are going to be the one hurting someone. You are going to be faced with challenges, be put in difficult situations. But there are going to be people and places that stay with you – the ones that will continue to provide safety and growth – because they are going in the same direction as you.
The truth is that the relationships that make it aren’t the ones that are perfect right from the beginning – they are the ones that are built on differences, arguments, and the agreement that this fight will never take place again. They are the relationships in which two people have a similar dream, and that is the glue that keeps them together when things get hard. They are the relationships where those two people are so inherently connected to the other, their futures intertwining, making them one in the same.
The places that you go, and the ones that you find yourself gravitating towards are always the ones that you don’t expect. They aren’t going to be the most inspiring, or the coolest, or the most perfect. They are going to be the ones where it feels easy, where you can plant your roots, and where you can blossom. They are the ones that feel serendipitous. They are the ones where connections are made. They are the ones that leave you with a little bit left over to get that future you so desperately see.
So, do you get it? Do you see the difference yet?
We don’t walk away from things because we stop loving it, we walk away when there is nothing left to fight for.
We walk away when our future is put in jeopardy. We walk away when we have no choice but to choose again.
We walk away when we’re no longer willing to put ourselves last. We walk away when we are no longer willing to change, to adapt, to be better for someone else.
We walk away when we realise that we have become complacent, when we are harming each other rather than helping each other grow.
We walk away when there’s nothing left to do, there’s no more to take.
Because ultimately that is what the purpose of anything in your life is: what and who it makes you out to be.
So, how do you know when it’s time to let go or try harder?
You have to sit down with yourself. You have to have the most serious conversation you have ever had. You have to ask yourself whether or not that thing is going to make you better or worse over time. You have to ask yourself if it is going to help you become the person that you want to be.
Understand this: the spark is going to come and go no matter where you go. You’re never going to look at a person or place with that same wide-eyed excitement as you did when you first met them. You’re going to get used to your surroundings, each other. The newness is going to fade fast and normalcy will take its place.
But what is going to help you is not what you are going through right now, but the future that you are going to commit to yourself and the one you may (or may not) want to build together. Or, it may just be knowing when it’s time to pack a bag, move on because what’s around you is nothing but a series of dead ends.
You aren’t going to walk away from anything in your life because one day you wake up and the love is gone. Everything we end up caring about comes with phases – earning our affection and trust, withdrawing from it, and coming back. This doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it doesn’t mean it’s time to walk away.
It’s wrong when it no longer serves us. It’s wrong when it’s not making us into the people that we want and need to be. It’s wrong when we have to sacrifice too much of who we are and what we want, and we end up not recognizing the person in the mirror.
It’s wrong when the growth stops.
Because there will always be love, always. No matter how tiny that love becomes, how much hurt or rage that it becomes masked behind. When we love something once, it’s hard to forget that feeling, it’s hard not to be hopeful. When it’s time to go, it’s because leaving is the only way that we can carrying on with the purpose of our lives.
We leave to become the people we are always meant to become.