This Time, It’ll be Better

This time, it’ll be better.

Rinse, and repeat.

Right?

It’s dark in here, inside the depths of the mind where I get lost sometimes.

It’s dark in here, I can feel my way around but I can’t seem to get out.

It’s dark in here.

But I’m coping.

But I’m still locked inside the room – and not the physical one with four corners, a bed, and a door. I’m talking about the one room that is untouchable by anyone else, that secret chamber within that nobody else has a key to but you and whatever higher power you believe in.

The tears come, they dry, they come again. It seems like some constant battle, a battle that just won’t stop. And then they look at you, know that something is wrong, but it doesn’t matter how many times they try to help – you have to help yourself.

I just wish more people understood that.

The tears come, they dry. And somehow there’s that unknown reason, one that is giving you a new source of energy that you have long forgotten about. One that is filled with strength, and so much fucking hope that it almost is unbearable… and because of that you find a million reasons why it isn’t going to last. It could be faith, love, family, friends. Whatever it is, hold onto it, never let it go.

The world gets to be too much for anyone, this I can understand. There is so much negative shit floating around us in space – failures, betrayals, isolation, control, frustrations, expectations, settling, complacency. People will vanish, leaving without a trace or explanation. And, I know exactly what happens when all the feelings set in, you question your own worth. But, please, remember this your worth isn’t dependent on the people who stay, how they see you, how they treat you, how they perceive you. You just have to keep on walking, keep reaching for your dreams.

But that’s easier said then done, I know.

I’m there right now, stuck in that never-ending void of restless blah.

But I’m coping.

Remember that list? Yeah, that one that has been collecting so much dust you’re afraid to lift it up. It’s that one list that you have kept for so long, leaving it unchecked, unwanted in the corner because of the fear that strikes up in your stomach when you want to get up and just go. I think it’s time you go out and revisit it. Think it through, add some more to it. And, one by one, with all the energy that you can muster from that little body of yours, and the drive that puts one foot in front of the other, do everything you can to start checking boxes off on that list. Turn all of those dreams into some crazy reality. Shift those gears.

And, no, don’t think about the people who you will have to leave behind in order to make those dreams come true – if they love you, if they want you in their lives, they will wait.

And, no, don’t think about the money that you don’t have and what it is going to take to see those places – sometimes you just have to go out on a whim, who cares.

The world needs that smile of yours.

And, yes, it’s easier said than done. It’s ingrained in us, down to our very cores. But what choice do you really have…? You share this world with 7.7 billion other people, all walking around, breathing, waking up, talking, falling, hurting, dreaming. We are all in this same strange puzzle of life, trying to find where we fit, reaching into all of the unknowns. 

And, every day new innovations are being created, new technology and engineering are being introduced into laboratories or research facilities somewhere by some of the most genuinely nerdy people out there – trust when I say, that they are the BEST people you will ever come to know, they give us so much, more than we could ever believe to be possible… stop throwing shade their way, they are better than all those celebrities you fantasize over. People are being born, new motivations are being made, some are waiting for their names to go down in history books.

And, please, don’t compare yourself to them. Don’t feel the need. Because all of those feelings of despair, jealousy, or the never-ending doubts that come to the surface because you are nowhere close to being where they are. Because all of that hype, all of the glitter is a filter. Not everything that you see – the glossy photos, the edited videos, those perfect moments – are real. Aim for something specific, learn to decipher fact from fiction.

Focus on you.

Focus on you.

Focus on you.

Focus on the things that you can do well. Don’t focus on trying to impress the world. Explore things at your own pace. Timelines don’t exist for anyone, don’t follow someone else’s. Prepare that suitcase, leave behind anything that is unwanted. Venture into the unknown.

Because the only way you are going to come out of this on the other side is if you do it for you. In order to achieve all of the peace, tranquility, and contentment that you crave within your own skin – you have to be able to look everything that this world has become and overcome all of it.

And, I know, it’s easier said than done.

But, I also know, you can do it.

Don’t give up now.

Trust that you will feel lighter.

Trust that it’ll be better.

Trust.


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