Saying Goodbye

The truth is, it’s hard for me to say goodbye to someone or something.

The truth is, I never wanted to have that final goodbye.

The truth is, we were always meant to say goodbye.

Because the thing  is, I was so different when I first arrived here. I can’t even remember what it was like being that girl… okay, maybe that’s a bit of a lie. If I close my eyes, think back to the start of it all, I can remember. I could walk down that path again, I just don’t want to.

I don’t want to.

Because when I think about the story of us, I think about how it started, that feeling – the rush. But it was so on and off, hot and cold, quiet and loud. And then it ended.

You disappeared.

But I think about the way you told me you wished time would stop.

But I think about the way you told me that I was at the top of your list.

The moments we had together, sure they were fantastic – but they weren’t real.

Real in the sense that I couldn’t touch you when I wanted to, couldn’t hold you when I wanted to.

And when it was all said and done, I truly believe that we were meant to be a lesson to one another. We were brought to each other at a low point, a lonely point – showing us both what we are capable of.

And I’m not going to get into the lessons that I learned here but I thank you for that, teaching me something no one else could have ever taught me.

I am thankful that you got to show me the real you, not the person that you show off on social media. I am thankful that you allowed me into your life. I am thankful that you showed me something no one else could.

But the universe has a funny way of showing us things.

And maybe we were just meant to always say goodbye and not hello.

Because once you got quiet before coming back, I started to understand all of the potential ways this was going to end badly for me. You were always going to take my heart and play with it – even if you said you weren’t. I think it’s mostly because you don’t really know what you want.

You were meant to show me where my limits are meant to be pushed, and ultimately, where the line was drawn. You were my test.

And now, looking back with full clarity, I wish I had walked away sooner. It would have saved my heart from showing you its most vulnerable side. It would have saved a whole chapter in my never-ending book of what ifs.

You see, I found myself despite of what you put me though. I found my worth. I realised what I was willing to stand for. I found true beauty within myself – because looks fade. I found that I deserve the fucking world, and someone who is willing to give it to me EVERY DAY.

But the one thing I will say that I learned from you is this: we were never meant to make it. We were always meant to say goodbye.

2 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye

  1. “You don’t know what you want” problem with most men.
    Every word was damn relatable. I think we all have bad relationships in the past and we keep labelling love. Love doesn’t hurt, loving the wrong person does.
    I wish you all the best girl. You shall soon find the love that will be magnificent this time. 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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