This is Going to Hurt

I knew from the moment you said hello that you were going to be trouble.

Because I think I know how this is going to end.

It’ll end with a finished chapter, a closed-door, a lesson learned.

Because I know that you can’t stay, deep down.

I know that with every hello we are closer to that final goodbye.

And that sucks.

But I also know that in this moment, right now, you are the only person that I need. The one person that has kept me smiling, kept me wanting more.

And after all this time, it’s still you – no matter how many times I have tried to slam that door right in your face – there is still something left unsaid that I can’t leave in the past.

And maybe I knew that liking you could turn into loving you.

And maybe I felt that rush, the one you only get for the first time when someone touches your heart.

And maybe that connection led to something that I can’t even explain – but I just knew, you know?

And maybe I wanted to know every part of you.

And maybe that’s why I ask question after question, picking your brain apart until we are both laying their vulnerable, waiting for the other to pick up the pieces.

You see, I would go to bed at night, head falling onto the pillow… and suddenly, there you were.

I wanted to know more about you – your secrets, your fantasies, your choices, the paths you took and the ones you left behind.

I wanted to know why your hands are still so soft, why your kisses are so cautious, why your smile only reaches fully to your eyes when I tell you to try harder.

I wanted to tell you that I think I dreamed you into life, but then Savage Garden started to play, the lyrics said the words I couldn’t.

Those words are still so hard to say – seven letters, that’s all it is.

But honesty isn’t always the best policy when you are falling.

Because my heart is fragile.

And I know you are going to hurt me, break me.

But it would still be a privilege to have you do it.

But I have so much to lose, and so do you.

And I know it only takes one big leap, one step into the unknown.

And I know I could either have it all or not.

I tried to stay quiet.

But you didn’t.

 And I know I told you to be vulnerable, I just wasn’t expecting that.

And I know I told you so much in return.

But I don’t think I told you all of this.

And I know you will never read this.

But I had to get it out.

Because the second our lips touched I knew that all of the potential that I had ever seen in you, was finally, right in front of me.

Because I know that the leap would be worth the hurt.

Because the silence that made the thick air, the build up within my lungs, the long nights.

Because the story that we both had to tell was melting together.

Because everything we had been holding back was out in the open.

And every glance now holds so much purpose.

And every touch is a sign.

Because every time we are alone, the magnetism in the air was telling us something that we needed to hear.

And I know that we ignored it.

But that’s okay.

Because every I love you that could be said, one day, will make up for it.

Because every naked embrace will make up for it.

Because it is all a part of our journey.

And I’m glad that this journey is with you.


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