We have known each other for a long time now, we go all the way back to the beginning of our life. We are 100% connected in a way that no one will ever – or could ever – understand, and that is completely okay. We have been there, standing tall and falling down hard. We cry, we laugh, we connect. But it has always been you and me. It will always be you and me, always and forever.
Or so I thought, but I left you.
I left you like a fish gasping for its last breath on land. I left you there to rely on love, on encouragement, on strength from others when I should have been there to hold you up. I should have been the one to hug you, praise you, appreciate you. Because at the end of the day you are the most wonderous, the most mysterious person – you bring life and beauty to the world and no one tells you enough.
I can’t even remember the last time I said that I love you.
Because I do, I love you so damn much.
Do you know how much I admire you?
Because I do, I admire your heart, your soul.
You are beautiful, and not just on the outside. You are unapologetically yourself and that is not something everyone has. You are caring, intelligent, strong.
You are my hero.
I should have been there to tell you to ignore the jeers, the snickers, the whispers. I should have been there to tell you that you shouldn’t care what others think, to not be afraid to be different. You should never feel afraid to be who you are.
Because, worst of all, I listened to those jeers, those snickers, those whispers. I allowed them to get further inside of your mind. And in doing so, I allowed the most hurtful words to come out, I shamed you. I took you for granted and I dishonoured that beautiful girl, I hurt her. I told her that she was not good enough. I told her that if only she was better at this or that, then I would love her more. I gave you more ifs than any one person can handle on their own.
If you were more social, assertive.
If you were more spunky, risky.
If you were more outgoing.
If you ate less sugar and carbs.
If you achieved your goals.
I’ve said things to you that I would never, ever say to my own worst enemy. You sat back and took it, internalized every calloused word.
And I lost you.
I should have been there. I should have taken care of you.
I should have fought harder for the person that you are, and for the person you deserve.
I should have been there to defend your honour, to protect you until your last breath. Cherished you.
I’m sorry I failed you.
I’m sorry I hurt you.
I’m sorry I left.
Please forgive me.
Because from this moment forward I am going to do EVERYTHING I can to make sure you know how worthy you are. How brave and kind and downright powerful.
You are enough.
I know that you are going through a hard time right now. I see the way your face falters in its smile. I see the way you crave the words I am not telling you. I feel and see it all.
I know that life hasn’t given you what you hoped for. I know that life hasn’t turned out the way you thought it would.
I know that you are disappointed in yourself. I know that you feel like a failure more times than not.
I know that you think it is all your fault.
I know that you hold the world on your shoulders.
But the truth is: YOU are not nor could you EVER be.
YOU will persevere and come out the other side more YOU than you could ever DREAM of being.
You don’t need anyone’s approval, love or friendship to become whole.
Because TOGETHER we are enough.
WE will conquer this TOGETHER.
I have you. My grip is tight.
I am NOT letting go.
I am putting YOU FIRST.
I will respect YOU.
I will honour YOU.
I will cherish YOU.
I will love YOU.
Because I am YOU.
YOU are I.
Sometimes we all need to write ourselves a love letter. Because we all deserve to hear the words that flow naturally from our minds into our hearts. And then you will realize at how much healing can take place.