Need. I don’t want you to need me because I will never be the type of girl who will need you. What I need is sunrises and sunsets, the stars, country music. I don’t want you to need me, I want you to want me.
Want me when something good happens in your life and you need someone to tell. Want me the next morning when all you need is someone next to you to put your arm around. Want me in the middle of the day when you’re stuck at work, and there is nothing else on your mind but me. Want me when you are standing in front of the abyss. Want my voice, my touch. Want me selfishly.
I am a overthinker, blame all the teenage dramas I watched growing up. I am a hopeless romantic with her head in the clouds half the time. I want adventure, passion. I will never turn down a dance, a song. I will never turn down midnight snacks or Netflix all night long (don’t be mad if I fall asleep though). I will order the LARGEST coffee possible and forget to eat all day, only to remember late at night and make a smoothie instead. I will cringe when you call me Princess, but melt in your arms when you call me your Queen or little one or pretty girl (because I always want that – I’m the real life Brooke Davis).
I need a passion that won’t run out.
I apologize for making you walk for God knows how long to get that one ice cream cone that I saw on Instagram that I just WANT. I know that there are other places, but damn, I can’t get that one out of my head. I apologize for being indecisive about food. You choose. No, I don’t want Chinese. I’ll eat anything though, I will. I’m starving, I’m not picky. No, I don’t want that. Save us both the time and headache and just take me somewhere.
I’m not good at keeping up with messages, or paying attention. I’m good at loving people, even the wrong ones, even when they walk away. Imagine how good I will be at loving the right one – at loving you.
I’ll love you like driving with the windows rolled down on a hot Summer day with the music blasting out of the speakers. I’ll love you when the sky is orange, flaking with pink and the sun is still too strong to want to go down. I’ll love you like the first A you get on an exam that you didn’t study for. I’ll love you like the feeling of cold metal on hands, raising the cup up above their heads in front of thousands.
I’ll love you when your eyes are tired but there’s so much going on in your mind that you don’t want to close your eyes just yet.
I will get inside your mind and hit all the spots that you have long forgotten about.
I will love the hell out of you – even long after you have stopped loving me.
But I am not going to promise that I won’t break your heart. I am not going to promise to fuel the fire that is burning inside of you. I will never beg you to stay or convince you that I am worth it if your heart is no longer in it.
But I do know that the only way your heart is going to shatter into a million and one pieces is because I loved you too hard – so hard that it DEMANDED to be felt.
Too much. Too beautiful. It’s poetry.
It’s tragic, but so beautiful that our hearts are capable of feeling something so intensely, so immensely.
That is how I will love you.
I will love you fiercely.