When I Say I Love You

If you know me, you know how much I love love.

If you don’t know me, you probably know that anyways.

People are skeptical about my love for love. I believe it in down to my core because I know what love looks like, tastes like, feels like. I know that love can turn you into your greatest person, and at times, it can turn you into your worst. I know that age doesn’t matter, you can fall in love with someone at any time. I know that love can not only make you feel like you are floating above the world, but it can make you want to emit it to everyone around you. Love.

Maybe I put love up on the highest pedestal. Maybe I live in a world of romantic novels, fairy tales, and dramas.

But maybe, just maybe, it deserves to be on that pedestal.

Maybe I value something that most people use too often and those words become meaningless – only there to get you further.

But, my truth is this:

Each and every single time that I have ever said I love you to someone, my heart was beating so intensely. Every word was stumbled upon. Every bone in my body shaking. Nerves overwhelmed me, my smile couldn’t be lost.

But those three words, those three little words were always said proudly and with meaning.

I value those three words, those three little words, more than any other.

I still believe in the emotional, the physical, the mental parts of all relationships. I still believe in courting, in chivalry.

I still believe in happy endings.

I won’t allow the advances in technology or new lingo and acronyms change my views or take away from my expectations. Because change comes and it goes. We will always be advancing and moving ahead. But I will believe in the love that the past held, the one that is considered old-fashioned and unrealistic. 

And I don’t know who I will love like this next, or if I will continue loving the way that I do now. I don’t know who I will meet next, or when. I don’t know how it will happen. Maybe its always been you, and will continue being you.

But of all the things that I do know, love isn’t something that you can force. It happens at its own pace. It is something you don’t expect. Love will always come into your life like the one comet you saw as a child and will never see again – robbing you of your innocence, capturing your wonder. 

When you fall in love, you instantly have a new meaning. You fight, you walk, you build, you cherish – all together. 

You make it work.

And falling isn’t the hard part – it’s finding that person. In this world, where so many have grown up needing instant gratification and immediate physical interaction – love isn’t, and will never go hand in hand with it.

But love, love isn’t hard.

Staying in love is.

Because you begin to realize that those three little words that meant so much to the both of you are just words mumbled before bed.

Because you get too comfortable.

Because you kind of forget what made that spark happen in the first place.

But love, love is something you have to choose every single day.

Love is choosing that person over and over again. You have to pick them over every one else – over every temptation.

Love is looking at someone and knowing that your choice in them was the right one.

Love is knowing that they are the best thing that has ever been yours.

And if there is one thing that I know how to do it is love someone fiercely.

So, when I tell you I love you:

I promise that it is not said just because.

I promise that my loyalty to you is there, no matter where we are.

I promise that I will always choose you.

I promise that every effort it takes to make it work – no matter how hard it gets.

Because you are worth fighting for.

I promise that my love is unconditional.

I promise to always include you.

I will always be honest, sincere.

And if my heart has a change in opinion, I will tell you. I know what it is like to be strung along, only to be hurt a million times worse than it would have been to be up front with feelings.

I will never hold my past relationships up against ours. Because no matter how I was treated before, you are a completely different person, with a different heart.

I promise to give 100%, all of the time.

But I also need you to know that I have other responsibilities, other demands, other priorities. I need you to respect that, to understand that.

I will always encourage you, be your cheerleader. I would hope that you would meet me there too.

I look forward to building a life with you.

I look forward to being with someone who challenges me.

I promise to love you the best that I can.

Because when you get love right it has the ability to change the life you are leading for the better. And when you have the chance to do that, you jump on it. You go all in.

But the truth is, it’s not a choice. Love never comes when you are ready. It will knock your feet out from under you before you have time to realize that you have fallen. And if you are lucky…

If you are truly lucky…

That person will love you back.

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