Stars last a long time. Some of the stars that we are seeing when we look up to the sky have long since burned out but we are just seeing their brilliance now. It is inevitable that all stars must burn out for us to see them – for us to witness their radiance.
They also say that for a star to burn brightly it has to be near its own demise. And, tonight, I can see right through the nova that you have created. While the world marvels at your beauty, at the way you shine – I can see your eyes and the exhaustion behind them. Your eyes no longer hold the magic that was once there. Darling, have you forgotten the nuclear reaction that takes place within you that made you so amazing?
Somewhere along your journey, you began to look within yourself and evaluate your entire presence on earth. You allowed others to appraise you and under value the genuine beauty that is before them. And, even though you thought you had a firm grasp on everything that you are, you allowed yourself to become too available to the outside world. You devalued everything that you are.
Why did you allow yourself to become available to those who did not earn your trust? Why did you fail to realize that not everyone has the greatest intentions?
When you stopped being genuine to yourself, when ‘no’ became an answer that you expected to get – you shrank. You gave up on your dreams, on moments that you never realized meant so much to you. You not only lost sleep but you lost friends. You lost your confidence. You found more beauty in waiting for a text message than the beauty of human interaction. You lived a life of waiting.
Right now, you are spending your time seeking evaluation from those who only give you the time of day at 3am. You need to learn that this is not acceptable. You have created an insecurity within yourself that grows stronger by the minute.
The path that this person you have become has created will leave you high and dry. The hydrogen that fuels you will ignite.
By living this life, failing to care for yourself, you are sure to collapse under the gravitational forces and be pulled into a black hole.
Remember what life was like before you allowed yourself to fall into the darkness? How your lungs filled with the night air on your late night runs. How the feel of leather on your skin caused goosebumps. How grace and perfection filled the room with the notes that came from the piano. How smiles were infectious.
Those are the moments, those are the times, that help sustain your energy. Moments that are filled with passion, excitement, wonder, happiness.
Those people who you pushed away, they are drawn to that kind of energy. Those people that belong in your life help you sustain that energy. Those people deserve that energy.
Even if it feels like your star is collapsing. Even if you can feel the gravitational force pulling you under. Remember that new stars are formed out of the debris of the old and pull it in tighter, forming something more incredible.
Allow yourself to break away. Allow yourself to crumble. Delete the people who cause you panic, hurt, chaos. Delete the apps that keep you up at night. Turn off your phone. This is not your destruction.
Breathe in the cool air as you run. Create something. Visit friends and family. Smile as you create new memories and remember the old.