Open Letter to the Father I Never Knew

This letter doesn’t come from a place of hate or resentment. This letter also doesn’t mean that I didn’t have the most incredible man in my life who was my stand-in dad and also my grandpa. This letter is simply going to be written to get the things that circulate through my mind out in the open. This letter is here to be over and done with it all because I am 27 and you have not given the effort to even get to know me or come around.

I didn’t miss you, I never have. I always had a male figure in my life that positively impacted my life and I am grateful for that. And this is a letter openly thanking you and you are probably thinking at this point: why would she thank someone who has never been there, who she doesn’t even know?

Well, I will tell you why.

I want to thank you for something very important. I want to thank you for showing me what kind of parent I will never be. I want to be the one that is always there, regardless of the struggles that come with parenting. I’m grateful that I learned that at such a young age and was able to develop standards for myself, for the father of my children when I have them. I was given so much time to know exactly how I will treat them because I never want them to feel the way I felt. My children, with all of their beautiful flaws, will know that they are so loved, so respected, so supported – all because of you.

I want to thank you for showing me the type of man that I will never allow in my life. Living a life without a father teaches you a lot, especially one that never wanted you right from the moment you enter this world. This was eye-opening once I grew up. I know that the few men that have come into the role as father-figures, as dads, have been the most incredible men in this world. They have shown me how men should treat their children, their significant others. Because of your absence I was shown how I should be treated by them, how I deserve endless love.

Lastly, I want to thank you for shaping me into the person that I am today. I am who I am because of you. You allowed me to know my own personal worth and how to strive for something better. Thanks to you, I know the difference between the people who are meant to be in my life and those that aren’t. Because of you, I was born stronger than most because right from the start you left an absence. Because of you, I reach for the stars no matter how far out of my reach they truly are.

So, no, I don’t hate or resent you. I also don’t ever want you in my life, the space that you could have been is already full. I’m thankful that I could take the negative impact that you created from the very beginning and turn it into something beautiful.


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