It’s not hard to find someone attractive. It’s one of the reasons why it is so hard to stay in a committed relationship. It’s also one of the reasons that makes dating in the modern era so hard because no one is willing to get to really know the person that they are attracted to.

There is always something missing.

The attraction is there, it’s always there, but the simple pleasantries and planning is lacking.

There is always something missing.

Something isn’t always right and making the effort feels harder than it should.

And the effort is what is needed in relationships. Without it, without consistency, there is nothing. Because effort means that you are trying, it means that you are doing the things that scare the hell out of you. 

It is the effort that allows you to go from being attracted to someone to liking them, and finally, to loving them. It’s how you go from simple chit-chat to actually knowing someone. It’s how you go from wanting to spend a few hours with them to wanting to spend your entire life with them.

Chemistry just isn’t enough. Attraction just isn’t enough.

Knowing that someone likes you isn’t enough if they are not willing to make the same effort as you are. They are least have to show that they are willing to do a little bit extra when it comes to you.

Because they say that the level of effort that someone is willing to out forward will match their level of interest in you – maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t. I think that it means that even if they are interested, the way that interest is developing doesn’t have the depth or consistency that it should. 

Because if you take your half of the effort out of the relationship, and realize that it was only you keeping the relationship going – it’s only going to get harder to keep going. It’s hard to realize that the person you are giving all of your effort to isn’t willing to meet you halfway. It’s hard to keep going when all the time you are investing isn’t given in return.

So, look for effort in your next relationship. Look for someone who is going to give you the time of day, someone who isn’t afraid of asking the tough questions. Look for someone who isn’t waiting for perfect moments and timing. Look for someone who tries.

Because we all need reassurance in our lives. We want to feel like we are needed, wanted. We want to feel like we are appreciated, cared for. We don’t want to get rejected and know that our efforts weren’t reciprocated.

So, allow effort to guide your relationship. Watch it spread its roots – watch your flowers bloom.

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