My Portable Magic

As we grow up we are told of the safety measures that need to take place in case of an emergency. We are told the logistics behind stop, drop, and roll. We are told that we have to change the batteries in the fire alarms. We are told not to talk to strangers. We are told all of these things for various reasons and have to partake in drills, but there are only a handful of times where these things are used.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate all of these life lessons and the repeated knowledge that is forever embedded into my memory. I just wish there were more times where someone would tell us what to do when there is a storm brewing in our minds. I just wish.

Growing up, it was always vocalized that we have to be safe – especially in my household. I mean, it never really stopped me from doing all of the irresponsible things that a teenage girl might do, but I did always come prepared with my helmet and elbow pads on. Our mental health should be treated with the same respect and dignity that a fire drill in school does. Just because what is going on in our minds can’t be seen doesn’t make it less deserving. 

If there has ever come a time in your life when you wondered what this world would be like if you weren’t in it, if anyone would miss you, if you would be better off – you know how terrifying it is to come to the realization that there may not be any other options. But there are options out there.

Your safety plan will look different from mine. But if you need a rough draft, feel free to take mine as an example.

Whenever I am feeling low, whenever I am feeling as if everything is just a little too heavy – I turn on my music, any music, any genre, and just let it play. I sing, I dance. I let go of everything around me and try to forget about the trouble of the day, week, month. I try to focus on the positive. I open my book, I sit and I read. I get lost in the characters. I scream, I curse. I call my closest friend and just talk for hours.

Most importantly, I write myself a letter.

Hello Beautiful,

Yes, you are beautiful. Those eyes have seen a lot of tragedy but they have also seen a lot of genuine happiness. Those eyes have the ability to let someone else find comfort. That smile could make someone fall in love. The way you hold your head up as if your crown will fall at any minute (by the way, what made you forget that in this moment?), it gives others hope. Your words, your advice, your personality – you are the entire package.

Now, I know that is boosting your ego a million times over, but in this moment that is exactly what you need. You shouldn’t go, please choose to stay. There are a million and one reasons why you should and allow those to spark all of your intentions. Don’t let the negativity cloud your better judgments. Hold on to this tiny piece of light and allow it to see through the grey skies.

You are not a burden.

You are meant to take up space in this world.

Somewhere, someone will need you.

Keep reaching, keep choosing to stay.

Snowstorms, earthquakes, tornadoes are all-powerful forces of nature, but they too shall pass. Eventually you will be able to come out of your safe spot. Eventually you will be brave enough.

I am so proud of you.