If I Was a Movie

Have you ever wondered what genre the movie of your life would be? Have you ever sat back and compared your life to a movie?

I have.

If I could best sum up my life into one movie it would be The Breakfast Club.

“You see us as you want to see us – in simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, and a princess, and a criminal…”

I find myself the embodiment of not just one stereotypical characterization. As a whole I know who I am, where I am going with my life, my goals, passions – everything. But it is so extremely difficult to pinpoint just one personality type – which may seem like I have conflicting voices in my head, but I don’t. On the one hand, I am very mature, and individualistic. I carefully approach every detail of my life and the people who I let into it. I have a huge heart with a drive to succeed.  On the other hand, I am silly and will do anything to make your day better. I believe that I can achieve any dream I have if I just stay focused on it. I have been involved in clubs, have a passion for learning, love for sports, and I have done things that would be considered risky. I am also a person who gets suspicious if things come my way too easily, and hate it when things are going to well.

I am the embodiment of the quote above. I am the embodiment of the meaning behind one of John Hughes greatest movies.

“We are all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it that’s all.”

Truest statement and one that I firmly believe in. I don’t know how many times or ways I tried to hide who I was just to fit in with the group of friends that I had – especially in high school (but who doesn’t… in a way). I went through some great measures to hide my imperfections, to hide all of the things that made me imperfectly perfect. There are probably one or two individuals that I grew up with that I could say knew the real me.

“Spend a little more time trying to make something of yourself and a little less time trying to impress people.”

In a few ways I was Claire for a short period of time. At first glance I was spoiled, I had this thing about me (don’t ask me what it was, it still confuses me when I try to explain it). But once I let someone in, they would realize that first impressions aren’t always right. I was faced with peer pressure, feared being isolated, afraid to stand up for myself.

But I am not that girl anymore. Now I am a subtle combinations of them all: 45% Brian Johnson, 20% John Bender, 15% Allison Reynolds, 10% Claire Standish, 10% Andrew Clark (maybe one day someone will be able to understand that other than myself.)

I have grown into the person I am today because I learned that if someone can’t like me for everything I am, are they really worth having in my life? The short answer is no. I shouldn’t have to hide who I am to impress anyone. I shouldn’t have to hold back my humour, my weird thoughts, my random thoughts, what interests me. I should just be able to be genuine in everything that I do. I should be my most authentic person.

“When I step outside myself and when I look in at myself, you know… and I – and I see me… I don’t like what I see.”

Self explanatory up to a point. This was high school me.

Now, I like me even on my bad days.

“I feel invisible.”

I’m a wallflower. Always will be. I am not ashamed of it either.

“Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place.”

John Bender – arrogant, bitter, trouble maker, secret softy. But, damn, he holds tightly to a part of myself that I only let out on occasion. I have times where I am too sarcastic, too much of a smart-alleck – but I have seen a lot of life, I have a lot of answers to questions that people ask on a regular basis.

I have seen tragedy, felt heartbreak, known loss. I have fallen backwards, reverted to my own thoughts, lost hope. I have seen great happiness, accepted love, given love.

This is the great scheme of life: things are going to fall apart – once you accept that and move on from it, things become a little easier. There are going to be ‘screws,’ there is no guarantee that things will keep going on the straight and narrow, some things can’t be fixed. The world, us, all of it: imperfect.

John Bender: wise owl.

“Don’t forget me.”

We are all different, unique. Not everyone is going to understand our movie but there will be those that relate on levels that we couldn’t imagine. The Breakfast Club is my life in a movie. People are going to judge me any way they see fit – I have no control over that and have finally realized that after 27 years. But if there are those people who are willing to look close enough, willing to triumph over the hills that it takes to get to know me, they will understand that at the core we are one in the same: emotions, hopes, dreams, character.

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