I thought about sending this letter via the mail. I thought about the last place that I knew of that you lived. I thought about the moments we shared. I thought about the time that has passed.
And then I realized that you no longer live there. I can’t just send you a letter and wait for a reply that would never come. I realized that if you ever sat back and thought about me, that maybe you would Google me and see what popped up – tada. This is the one way I know that, maybe, you would find this.
Loving you was like an exploding firework. It was vibrant, fast, and filled with a bang. Everything that we did or said was real and out of pure passion. We loved, and loved some more. We loved until we didn’t know what it felt like to fall. We touched until we were too blind to notice that the feeling started to become scorching.
Thinking back to it all, to the start of it, to the sparks. It was apparent that neither of us had ever felt that way before. We didn’t know how to deal with the things that we were feeling – we sure as hell didn’t know how to make it work. We were each other’s drug, the kind that pulls you in deep and holds on for dear life. We became addicted to each other; to talking, holding, laughing, loving. When it was time for us to come back to reality, to shake off the high, neither of us could bear the thought of ever giving up.
Because of you, colours got more vibrant and the world became less of a place filled with hurt but with love. My world became so involved with the present and seeing everyone for who they were. My daydreams no longer contained what ifs but the reality that was you.
We were sensitive to each others touch, we didn’t know how far to go. It didn’t take long before the ceiling exploded, the glass shattered, and we became one.
But I am left here, contemplating where it all went wrong? How did we end up so far apart when we promised that we would always remain close?
I taught you how to open up, to allow your feelings to come out and in return, you taught me how to ask for help, how to trust again. Maybe, we were meant to be star-crossed. Maybe, we just weren’t right-now. Maybe, we couldn’t keep the boat afloat. But I still miss you. There’s no doubt in my mind that a part of me always will.
You were my big love, my big heartbreak. You were my best friend, my safe place. You were the ache in the pit of my stomach months later after you had said your final goodbye. The feeling that I had let you slip away, that I didn’t fight hard enough.
I still search for you in crowds. I still search for pieces of you in others, but it’s no use, nothing compares to you. You were my once in a lifetime.
Loving you was like an exploding firework. It burned quickly and bright. It was real and it was big. Sometimes I still think I can see it all flash before my eyes. Sometimes I still think that we will meet again one day.