The Difference Between Want and Need

I read somewhere that as humans we need to learn the difference between the want and need of a person. That the difference lies more within the definition of the two words than the feeling itself. That the difference is tremendous.


Because the want and need of a person is a never-ending circle – you may want them, they don’t want you; you may not want them, they want you; you need them, they don’t need you; you don’t need them, they need you.

Because the want and need of a person is substantially different. Needing someone implies dependency, a sort of reliance on them. Wanting someone, on the other hand, is the first step in learning to love them. 

Let me elaborate.

Needing someone when we are struggling, when times are hard, when sadness is overwhelming is a part of being human. If this becomes a constant in a relationship, one starts to feel suffocated. Distance starts to happen in the relationship and soon it would cease to exist. Needing someone also easily gets confused with loving someone. Needing someone is being dependent on them, you lose the ability to do the day-to-day without them. You don’t know what life would be like if they just up and left one day. Sound familiar?

Sure, it sounds a lot like the over-the-top, reach-for-the-stars type of love that few people talk about. But the biggest difference is that with love your survival is not synonymous with another person. That alone is a helluva lot of pressure and is not very healthy.

Wanting someone because they brighten your day and plaster that stupid smile on your face; time flies by because you are with them. You don’t need them there to cook a meal with or fall asleep next to you, you don’t need them to hold your hand walking down the street – you can make it on your own. You don’t because you like having them there. You don’t need them to be, you just want them to be.

When you want someone, you want them there because life is more enjoyable. You want them there because they complete something in you that you already have it is just more personified.

Wanting someone is, in its own way, loving someone.

That alone is more beautiful and rewarding.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t need you, I never needed you. I wanted you, I chose you.

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