People always leave. Right?
For me they do. They come and go in my life like the wind blows the leaves off a tree. It’s something that I have become used to. I don’t flinch or bat an eye anymore when I stop hearing from someone. I don’t wait around for you to message or call me back.
People are allowed to do whatever they please, whenever they like. They can talk and be with whomever they want. It’s okay, it really is.
The one thing I do care about is you not being one of those people. I look up to you, I adore you. I fucking care about you more than I have ever cared about someone before. Each day you amaze me a little bit more than the last. I have invested time, energy, thoughts into you and have convinced myself that you are worth all of the risks.
I have allowed myself to believe that you are not to be clustered with those people who always leave. The ones that come and go as they wish, the ones that could care less about my feelings. Because maybe you are the type of person that loves unconditionally. Maybe you are the one who stays.
Even if you prove me wrong, even if you pull a 360, I am willing to take a chance on you. I want to see how far this can go; I want to fall in love. I want to allow my heart to open up to you, I’m allowing it to take the lead here. I am going to break down the wall, let my guard down, all for you.
Just be straight with me. Don’t lead my heart to places you don’t want to follow. Don’t joke about something so serious. Don’t tell me all of the things that I have been waiting for only to leave the next day. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Don’t get my hopes up if you have no intentions to catch me when I fall. Don’t tell me you feel what I feel, that you love me, if you are just going to run.
Because love is a special word. If you hear those three little words fall out of my mouth, know that I mean them. Know that I never say it if I am only going to take it back. Know that when I say it, it means always. Because love is a powerful emotion that doesn’t deserve to be taken lightly. It should never be used to mislead someone.
So, if you want to share your heart with me understand that I will never play games with it. I will hold it tenderly, it will remain with me until you ask for it back. I will protect it, I will do good by it. I don’t have time for something that isn’t real or lasting.
So, if you want to be more than friends understand that there will be days that I am down on myself. There will be days that will be filled with grey skies, with me saying all the wrong things unable to make you happy. There will be days where I will frustrate you, annoy you, disappoint you, let you down, and fill you with anger. There will be days where I can’t give you what you want or need because I am an imperfect person with limitations like the best of us.
With that, if you are going to ghost me because of it, because I am not the person you thought I was – don’t tell me you love me. I am tired of people throwing that word around like it is yesterdays news. I am tired of that word holding no meaning. I am tired of people throwing around wonderful ideas and notions of happiness only to get a reaction.
I don’t have the energy to tell you that I know the difference between your truths and lies because I love words so fucking much that I know when they carry value.
So, if you are going to love me, than love me with everything that is real. Not because I will be angry with you if you end up leaving but because I want you to feel all of the wonderful things that I feel when you look my way and smile. I want you to speak the words that are in your heart without hesitation and regret. I want you to believe in words the way that I believe in them. I want you to know how much of an impact that they can have in someone’s life. I want you to love.
So, if you want to take a chance on me. If you want to make me your person, tell me all of the words that are in your heart. Tell me, and mean them.
I can’t promise perfection. I can’t promise rainbows and butterflies all of the time. But what I can promise you is that, I will always stay and I will always give you reasons to stay too.