Don’t Get My Hopes Up

Sometimes the best thing you can do is apologize. Sometimes it is the only thing that is needed. I think that is where I am at. I would love an apology. 

You need to get your shit together, I think you need to. Maybe it’s time to turn a new leaf, turn the page of your story. Maybe it is time that you changed your ways or at least strived to be a better person towards me. But here’s the thing, you have already hurt me and my forgiveness has gone a long way so far – you are testing my patience. And you promised that you wouldn’t hurt me, you did.

You took a good thing and destroyed it.

Do you even want to put things back together? Do you want to make things better? If you did, that’s great. I am willing to give you a second (or third) chance but I am not going to wait around. I am not going to idly sit back and watch you give up halfway through. I am not going to sit around and let you treat me like shit after a few days filled with compliments.

I want to know if I should give up now, get over you and be on with my life. I don’t want to wait around only to find that you were just going to brush me off again a few months down the road. I don’t want this chance to fall by the wayside just like your first. It won’t make this any easier, in fact, it will just hurt more.

I like you, I really do, but I don’t want to go through the hurt anymore. I don’t want you to get my hopes up only to be let down again. I don’t want to be disappointed in myself for letting you stay. I don’t want to be disappointed with you for repeating history. I don’t want to be the one left looking like an idiot.

So, don’t go making me any promises. Don’t tell me you want to see me if you are not going to follow through. Don’t tell me the things I want to hear just to make things better.

I want you to ask yourself first if you really meant any of it, if you still do. I want you to truly believe that you are going to do better, be better. I know how I deserve to be treated, and I think so do you. I shouldn’t be given any less.

I don’t want to be played with like some toy or lied to. I don’t want to be led down a road only to find myself alone at the end. I am not going to put up with it any longer. I see what you are doing, I have had enough. My self-respect and standards are far too high for the treatment I am receiving. I like myself more than I like you, that is something I am not going to apologize for.

I don’t want to stick around if the kindness I am showing you is just going to be thrown away. If you are going to see how much of your shit I am willing to put up with before I walk away, here it is. Me walking away.

I am not going to suffer while you play games with my heart. I am not a child or some naive teenager. I am a woman and I deserve honesty. I deserve a man not a boy.

So, please, don’t get my hopes of if you are not willing to go all in. I am not interested in your games and if that is all you want, let me leave and find someone who is willing to put up with your shit. I am not waiting to be screwed over again.

Don’t be an asshole. Don’t do what you’ve done.

Be real. Be true.

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