Secret Love

Are you thinking about her?

Are you always thinking about her?

She’s your darkest secret. She’s the one that you can’t be linked to in any way. You take her out to play only on your terms otherwise she has to be kept locked away. She is the skeleton you keep in your closet, the one that you are terrified someone might come across. She is your untold story.

Maybe it’s about time you let her go.

Because there was a time when she was free. Free of the burden of running and hiding in a closet. Free from the constant worrying. Her eyes saw the stars and her lips were sweeter than the ripest strawberry. Her heart was full of passion and ran free across the open fields. Her dreams and hopes of love were not tainted with you. But then you came along – stealing her away. She welcomed you with open arms because who doesn’t love reconnecting or connecting with someone. You enticed her with your smile and showered her with sweet nothings. You checked off everything on her checklist. So, naturally, she fell for you.

What she didn’t know was that there was a catch.

What she didn’t know is that she had to remain behind closed doors.

What she didn’t know is that she would be the one longing.

You came with a price. You came with a ring on your finger.

Her heart was on the line, it always is or so it seems. She accepted the situation and embraced her role. Who she is to you, no one knows for sure. She could be your coworker, employee, friend, neighbor, friend’s friend, long-lost friend, or an old flame. You could be moving along in the same circle, living in the same world, and playing roles. When you call, she comes running, knowing well enough that come morning you will push her from your memory.

You don’t know the damage you are causing.

You don’t even know the half of it.

Being kept in the shadows by someone who you have come to care about is tragic. Even if she wants to tell you how much you mean to her, she can’t. Your name dies on her tongue just as fast as it came to her mind. She is forced to be silent, to quiet her emotions. 

Don’t you get it?

Do you even care?

You are controlling her. Even if it was unintentional at first, you have come to enjoy it now. You are well aware of the power that you have over her. You are well aware she can’t say no. All because you give her bits and pieces of borrowed time.

She won’t let go.

Not unless you do.

You are wasting her time and energy. You are using her like you did all of your other secret love affairs. You may think she is happy but she isn’t. There is a constant battle of back and forth going on in her mind. You placed this burden on her shoulders, only you can take it away. 

This, this thing that you are doing, is only keeping her from living. She will always feel like she needs to remain in the shadows. She is lonely even when she is in a room full of people. You are making her live this double life, expecting her to be able to balance the two. You are slowly making her question herself and her morals. But she wants you so she will tiptoe around the room if it means you’ll stay.

Don’t say it’s her choice to continue this.

It takes two to tango, my friend.

Where will this lead?

When will it end?

How long can you keep this up?

She wants to be free. But she is completely afraid to let you go, to lose you.

You have to be the one to let her go, even if you do love her, and more if you don’t.

You can’t keep this secret forever, you just can’t. You also know that you will never be with her. You won’t stand up for her. You won’t come running.

She doesn’t deserve it. She deserves someone who is proud to call her theirs. Someone who will hold her hand, and come running when she needs them. Someone who will give her the light of day.

She deserves to know what real love is. She should know what it is like to not be hidden.

Set her free.

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