When You Break-Up With Friends

Friendships come in all varieties.

Casual. Acquaintance. Work Friend. Social Media Friend. Long Lost Friend. Best Friend. Your Person.

Those last two, the one (or two) person(s) that you can tell everything to. The ones you send goofy photos too. The ones who make you feel young, alive, silly. The ones who know exactly what you are feeling and saying with only one look at your face. The ones you share your deepest, darkest everything with. It’s the connection that you can only share with them; a trust unlike any other. It’s a love that is deeper (in many cases) than any romantic love.

Now, not all of us are lucky to find our Cristina Yang, our Monica Gellar, our Lane. Some of us will go our entire lives without finding that one person. But if you do, you will know this:

You’re best friends because you get it. Simple. You understand the little things that make each other smile and the big things that make you cry. The questions that you have at the end of that one TV show or movie are always the same. You appreciate each other on a level that you yourself can’t quite comprehend. Your love is unconditional. They are one of the most significant people in your life.

But what happens when all of that stops?

It’s like losing a limb. It’s a feeling that you will never quite be whole again. Your heart and soul feels like it has been ripped to shreds. And then there is no one there to talk your feelings out with because the only person that would understand is the one that walked away. There is a gap in your history; an ending to the biggest chapter. You look back and have to be okay because nothing you can do will bring them back.

It’s a sadness that can’t be described; a loneliness that never stops. Perhaps, it had to happen because it all became too hard. Perhaps, life happened. Perhaps, it was because of a moment in time, a disagreement, a realization that even though you are so close – you have become so distant.

The world seems to stand still. You are frozen in place.

This shouldn’t be a surprise, a pain so unbearable. After all, a relationship like that takes time and a lot of energy. It requires equal amounts of attention, respect, and negotiation. There is intimacy and intensity.

This, breaking up with your person – your best friend, is final. Reconciliation won’t happen even as hopeful as you are. Once a relationship like that is severed with the same intensity that it was built up on, it’s hard to go back. Your only hope is that your remaining relationships will fill the gaps and help you pick up your shattered pieces.

Recovery happens but you have to go through the stages of grief. You become stronger on the other side. You find others who become your friends. However, there will never be the same intensity from another. There will never be another best friend like that.

If true friendships last the test of time. If pain dissipates once the hurt and issues dissolve. Then why does this happen?

I don’t know. I don’t think I ever will.

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