When You’re ‘Just Friends’ With Guys

When you’re just friends with guys so many people believe that there is something wrong with you. They assume that just because you are friends that it must be due to the fact that you friendzoned him or the other way around. There is this assumption that you go for the ones who don’t feel the same. They also think that based on what they can see they know the whole story.

But as someone who has been there, there is more to it than that.

Those people who are only spectators in your relationship don’t know that during the day and all through the night you are the girl whose phone is blowing up with messages and phone calls from the guys. This is not because they want to get laid, it is because you are their favourite person to talk to – you know their secrets. And that it isn’t complicated, there is no mystery to your friendship. You know the relationship and so does he. You respect it and you aren’t wanting more – neither is he. 

What they don’t see is how much you are respected. You are treated with an honesty and a love that is simply platonic. The guys that you are friends with don’t play mind games and they sure as hell don’t mess with you. Why? Because the best game to play is the one that you don’t play at all. 

Every message gets answered.

Every mistake gets an apology.

Every door is opened.

Every bill is paid.

This is the honest truth. When you are just friends with guys they will treat you like gold. These guys are men, they don’t ask for anything in return. It is what it is.

What people don’t see is the private conversations. The ones that are filled with laughter and honesty. The ones that are filled with so much love and understanding. The ones that are a constant reminder to the person that you are and how much you mean to them.

What these people do see is the affection that they display. The hand holding, kisses on the cheek, the look of wonder. What they don’t see is the flowers or baked goods that are just because. They don’t know that you know his entire family and how much they care for you. They don’t know that his mother tells him that you are different from all the other girls he’s brought home. His mom knows what those people don’t, his mom sees something no one else but her can see. 

What these people don’t see is the long walks and the silences that fill the room when you are holding hands. They don’t see the laughter that fills that room either – the kind that makes your belly hurt and your eyes water. They don’t understand that you are each others confidants, the depth to your friendship.

You get the intense eye contact where it seems like he is looking deep into your soul – where he sees the real you. It is that kiss that comes naturally. When you walk away you know he is watching you leave but he still does it – he worries about you.

What people don’t see is the nights that you spend together. Where you blend into him and he into you. Where you know you shouldn’t be doing what you are doing but you give in because it feels so right.

The people think they know what it means when you keep coming home at 4AM. They think they know the secrets that you keep, the ones that you or him can’t even admit to yourselves. But you trust each other, with everything. You don’t have to question his intentions and he doesn’t question yours – it’s something you’ve never had to do. You are the most honest person he knows and you to him.

What the people don’t see is the mornings that you wake up together, holding each others hands with a smile on your faces. They don’t feel him holding you tightly because he isn’t ready to wake up yet, for you to leave. 

But that’s the thing, sometimes, you are both afraid to admit what is really there. You see it, you feel it. He looks at you because every you have ever shown him has been real, genuine. You show him who you are. He fears your confidence because everything he has ever wanted is right in front of him. Everything you want is right in front of you. It is a paralyzing feeling. 

But you are far too polite to ask for more. You are okay with what you are. It is enough for you.

The thing that people don’t understand about you is that you don’t lack a big love in your life – you are surrounded by it. It may not be in the form that they think it should be, but it is there. There isn’t a label to this kind of love, there doesn’t have to be. There isn’t a box it can fit in either, so they should just stop trying. 

So, you are okay. It is enough. You keep smiling because you know the truth and it is so much more than what they will ever know. The truth is that you have more guys out there that would be willing to take the hit for you. The truth is that you have seen rejection more times than you can count on two hands, the ones that weren’t ready for you.

But they all come around with time. Dressed to the nine with their apology written all over their faces. You are the one who ultimately wins in the end. They value you. And if they don’t they watch you give your time to someone else.

To you, the girl who is just friends with guys, you know it is always more than that. To others, be wary of this girl. Being just friends is sometimes never that simple.

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