What would happen if found the person you were meant to spend your life with and it failed? What if you fall out of love with the mother or father of your children? What would happen if after 45 years together, things just aren’t the same? What if you find your person but you’re already married?
Following the proper steps to a relationship is the thing to do – right? Date for a while, move in together, get married, have kids OR date, move in, kids, married.
Either way, it seems like the right thing to do or better yet, the appropriate thing to do. You are just moving along the line of the stepping stones of life. A silent pressure that is put on our shoulders when kids show up in the picture, whether we realize it or not. Because of this, that silent pressure, a toxic recipe is created – a relationship or marriage built on something that never lives up to our expectations. We allow ourselves to settle because we have children in the mix, we create a happiness that is filled with lies. We find comfort in being unhappy, in being uncomfortable. We dismiss all of the warning signs and keep on going because we are afraid to lose something.
Now, don’t get me wrong, happy and successful marriages and relationships do exist. They are rare and beautiful. There are just too many people out there who get married for the wrong reasons or too fast.
What we forget is that love changes, it does. It is something that you don’t realize when you’re young and seemingly happy. People change. We grow older and things change. Your interests, passions, tastes, style all changes over time. Love changes when a child is born. Love changes when you struggle to set up a life.
We live in a world now where you don’t have to take the traditional road. You don’t have to go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids. Your road may have detour after detour. Your path does not have to be traditional to be content. Every road is unique and every path is secular. To shove everyone down one narrow path is pointless and does not end in happiness.
It is okay not to get married.
It is okay to fail at marriage.
It is okay to create your own happiness.
There are so many moments in our lives where things have to fail to find something better. Where hurt has to happen to find true happiness. Where one door closing is not the end of the world because so many others will open up for you. Sometimes we have to say, ‘fuck it,’ and move on.
So remember, the only person that you need validation from is yourself. Let go of what every one else says. Find the happiness that you deserve even if it means one chapter has to end. Don’t regret that chapter either, it showed you what you really want in life.