Middle of a Memory

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Do you ever stop and wonder how someone walking in and out of your life is one of the most impactful memories that you have of them?

Sure, when you think of them it doesn’t have to instantly go to the last time you talked to them or the last time you saw them – but it does.

I remember the last time I saw you. That smile. Those eyes. The simplicity of the moment. How you couldn’t take your eyes off of me. How nervous you made me. Just like that a moment that I didn’t want to end –¬†did. Just like that you left me in the middle of a memory.

Don’t you know you aren’t supposed to leave someone like that? Don’t you know common courtesy? Don’t you know what it feels like to be left in the dust?

I thought that promises still meant something. They do to me.

I want you to know that I don’t appreciate what you have done. I don’t appreciate being talked up and ghosted (thanks for teaching me what that term means). You left just when things could were getting¬†good, just when we realized that our promise got broken. Just when we were starting to fall. You left and I don’t forgive you. I hope you that you see this and realize how this all makes me feel. I hope you talk to me again just so I can put you in your place.

Time and distance teaches us a lot. What we want, need. What is important. When push comes to shove, the reality is that when you lose touch with someone, everything fades. Especially when it is just starting out.

This taught me that I just wasn’t an important component in your life and that’s fine. I don’t want to force myself on someone who doesn’t want to have me there. I don’t want to be in someone’s life who can push me aside like last nights dinner. And in the end, my heart deserves more than that. In the end, we will always be in the middle of a memory.

I learned my lesson. I learned that I shouldn’t let people in so quickly. I learned that I should go with my gut when I know someone is telling me everything I need to hear just to benefit themselves. I learned that what I felt was real for me even if it wasn’t for you.

Maybe it is meant to be this way. Maybe we weren’t supposed to see the end of the movie. Maybe the script was never finished. Maybe you are supposed to be a memory that my heart will remember. A section of a chapter that left me confused.

I hope that you take a breath and realize that I am not going to let you walk all over me again. I hope that, at least for that breath, I make you feel like shit. I hope that breath lasts long enough for you to realize how not to treat a person. I hope that I haunt you, at least for a little while.

Don’t you know you’re not supposed to walk out in the middle of a memory?

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