Just in case you were wondering, I did love you – know that. Know that I cared for you deeply, so deep that it was horrible when you left.
When it came to being with you, there was no feeling like it. In my lifetime I have never experienced such a passion, a spark that ignited with every touch. Being with you was easy, it was second nature. When you touched me, I could hardly tell where I began and you stopped. I could hardly tell where your thoughts ended and mine began. You woke me up to a love so real and powerful.
Love is supposed to be breathtaking, all-consuming, potent. Love is supposed to be fierce, enlightening, honest. With you, it was all of this and more. You were my missing puzzle piece – I think you still are. You completed the picture. You completed me. From start to finish, I always knew what you needed and you always knew when I needed you. Together, we were ready to face the world. Together, we couldn’t wait to have endless conversations about the future. Together.
But then… it all changed. One person came into your life and changed everything. One person came into your life and gave you an ultimatum. Me or her, not both.
It was no longer me by your side when your dreams were coming true. I became less of a person and more of a thought. The fiction in your reality.
It just wasn’t our time… or that’s what I kept telling myself.
Did she ask you all the questions that she needed to? Did she make you think of things that you never dreamed of before? Did she make you feel the way that I made you feel? Do you cling to her like a raft, like you can’t live without her? Can you imagine her not by your side?
I know I did. I challenged you every single day – you told me so. Remember the night that you told me that there wasn’t a day that passed that I wasn’t on your mind. How the day just wasn’t the same when we couldn’t talk or you didn’t get to hear me laugh? How you couldn’t remember a day without me in your life because it felt like you hadn’t lived before?
Do you remember what it felt like the first time I said ‘I love you?’ Did you know that you were the first person I said it to without them saying it back?
Just know, I loved you – I still love you. Everything about you was everything I had ever wanted. Everything about you was genuine, respectful, meaningful. You were everything I had always looked for.
I wanted to be the person that you saw when you first opened your eyes in the morning. I wanted you to hold my hand when times got hard and hold tighter when they weren’t. I wanted to spend moments in silence, taking in all that we were together and knowing that you were doing the same. I loved knowing that we didn’t need to fill those silences because there was so much said during them. Each moment was special, each moment.
Just know, I am happy for you. I wish you the best in life. You deserve everything and so much more. Live the life you want to live. Be a husband, a father. Be the amazing son to your parents that you have always been. You deserve genuine happiness and I hope that is what you have, truly.
Maybe someday we will meet again. Maybe we will find the place where we could be together. Maybe we will be able to make our dreams come true. Maybe we will be able to take that trip we always talked about.
Until then, I hope you are smiling. And just know, I’ll be missing you.