Darling, you are not alone if you are like me. You wear your heart on your sleeve and ignore the protests that come from the wise. You tell yourself that you won’t let it happen again but yet it still does. You are hopeless when it comes to romance and hopeless when it comes to falling. You are everything all at once and sometimes, for some people, that is too much.
When you fall too easily, it is never just about love. You fall for places you have never been to and people you have never met. You fall for words and ideas; movies and television. You fall for characters within books. When you fall too easily, you fall hard and never really recover.
When you fall too easily you picture all of the ways that it could work. When you fall too easily you imagine how it was meant to be. When you fall too easily you play connect the dots more times than you care to admit.
When you fall too easily it is sometimes hard to find yourself.
You fall in love. You just do, it’s not your fault – it’s no ones. Our hearts are just a little bigger than most, we are a little too sensitive and maybe a little naive. You fall in love without meaning too and without looking back. You fall in love and don’t remember your own name. You get lost in the feeling. It is inescapable.
You fall in love with everyday things: home decor, the cat purring next to you, the chocolate milk in the refrigerator. You fall in love with your own thoughts and daydreams; with the life that could have been or will be. With your morning routine and your even earlier workout. You fall in love with strangers as the walk hand-in-hand down the street. You fall in love with people and the way they move through the world at a speed that you cannot even understand. You fall in love with the person next to you in the bookstore because their soul talks to you without ever saying hello.
When you fall too easily you forget about reality and rules.
You fall too easily and everything disappears. You get lost in the what ifs and could-have-beens. It is easier to build up your imagination than be led down a path that you know is going nowhere. You fall in love with the things that are easy to fall in love with. The sound of rain on a tin roof, the smell of freshly cut grass, flowers blooming in spring. You fall in love with the things that you push away because you know that they don’t love you. Because you know what it feels like to love and be loved in return. You know what it is like to put the work into love to make it last.
You also know what it is like to have love be easy and effortless. You know that the silences that surround two people can give you all the answers. You know that the subtle glances and longing comes with a love that isn’t forced or rushed. You know that when you wake up in the morning and they are there, there is no one else you’d rather have next to you. Loving can be easy.
But when you fall in love too easily, you also set yourself up for a long fall. A fall that you are never prepared for. A fall that never comes easily. Because you fall too easily you also hurt harder. It is easy for you to forget that things will get better. That time and a little music will allow your heart to mend. But time it will take because when you fall too easily it is your own fault.
When you fall too easily you become accustomed to heartbreak.
But do you really? No, no you don’t. Because the what ifs and could-have-beens have a chance of becoming a reality, right?
It is too easy to fall in love because it is too easy to get caught up in a fictionalized world. There are too many outlets for people like us: books, television, music, movies. It is easy to hide yourself away for days at a time. It is easy to allow your mind to wander to your happy place.
You also know that love is hard. Really loving, risking everything including yourself is terrifying. It is a confusing mess when you fall too easily to understand how long it could take someone to catch up to you. It is strange and frightening to invest your time and it may not be real to them. When you fall too easily you have to come back to reality, you have to ground yourself.
Because that type of love is worth it.
And that is the funny thing about love, when you know it’s real, you feel it. It is indescribable. That is when it becomes easy again. Because when you find the real things, the things that ground you, it all becomes natural. When you find the things that are worth it, worth loving, worth being vulnerable for – you fight for it.
Because when you fall too easily you can’t hide yourself away for your lifetime. When you fall too easily you have to remember that things take time and work. When you fall to easily you know that loving is also living.