Honey, I Love You

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There I said it.

How does that make you feel?

Do you feel it?

Is it magical? Sparks flying?

Do you smile when you think of me?

Do you feel it?

Just listen, I love you. I don’t know how it happened or when, but I do. With this I am going to try to figure out how. It isn’t a crazy concept or a term that you haven’t heard before – I am sure it won’t be the last. It is a word that can be found within a number of different languages, all meaning the same thing. Why do we find it so hard to tell someone that we love them? So many people have said it and will continue to say it: mothers, fathers, siblings, children, you, me – lovers.

Maybe the reason that we find it so hard to say is because we want it to mean something. I want it to mean something. I want you to know that when I say it, it’s yours. I need you to know that I am not just saying it. I need to convey everything that all the words combined, all the feelings, there is no other word to express it. I need you to know that I mean it.

I want you to know that when I say it, it comes from the inner most part of my heart. The part where nothing is half-hearted or half-assed. I want you to know that when I say it, I won’t ever take it back. I want you to know that my love is yours and it is yours to keep. I love love and want you to feel how warm it is to share it with someone else.

I love you for all the ways that you are you – for all the ways that you don’t care what anyone else says. You do you and that is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I love you for the way you see the world. I love you for how you are still a kid at heart. I love you for loving the people around you. I love you for putting them first even though you know that you have to be first sometimes. I love you for the way you look at me. I love you for always knowing what to say.

No matter who I am in another world. No matter who you are in another world. No matter how the meaning changes, the sequence from I-to-Love-to-You, will always be said from my lips reaching your heart.

I am going to tell you again, I love you.

Now, I don’t expect you to say it back. I don’t know if you are there yet or if you ever will be. To be honest, I don’t know if I need to hear it back right now. Sure, it would be nice to hear those words come out of your mouth, to see the smile that is on your face after you see the one plastered on mine. But I don’t expect it, that would be asking too much, it could be seen as too greedy. Love will always be selfish and that is okay. Love will always be patient and that is okay too. I want you to be happy, and if you are happy not loving me, well, that is a risk I am willing to take – here and now.

Because love is always a risk, always. You have to take chances and leap off the edge of the cliff not knowing where you are going to land. You have to be honest and you have to be on the same page. Love is also knowing that it may not last forever, it could blow up in your face in 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, 20 years. You just never know, but you still have to take the risk.

There are a million different roads that this could take and each one I am okay with. I have braced myself for each and every one. I could tell you I love you and you could run for the hills, or you could realize that this is how you are feeling too. I could tell you I love you and you could think that this is all going to fast and you just want to let me down easy. I could tell you I love you and you could just love me as a friend. Love changes everything.

So, I am going to tell you again, I love you.

I am just as nervous as you, don’t worry. I didn’t see this coming either. Now, like I said, you don’t have to say it back – you don’t have to feel it back. But, I whole-heartedly believe that if you love someone you should tell them in some way, at the very least they should know it. You can find hidden meanings in the silences, you can feel the love in the spaces that exist between them. You can see it in the way they look at each other. You know it is true when you find yourself thinking about them and hoping that they are happy.

I love you. I know the words, how to say them, and what they mean. I know that no matter what happens next, that won’t change. My love for you is here and it is here to stay. 

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