Promise

Do you ever hear a melody play followed by a euphonious voice and instantly are transported away? Whether it be to a person, a place, or a time in the past. Play this song, play it loudly. Close your eyes and let it take you away.

“And meet me there, bundles of flowers,
We wait through the hours of cold
Winter shall howl at the walls,
Tearing down doors of time. Shelter as we go…”

Where do those lines bring you? Where are you? Who are you with? Are you alone?

I see myself in a field, the wind blowing. Leaves in the trees are rustling.Waiting. There is so much green that I am overcome with a sense of belonging, like this place – this moment, is where I am supposed to be. It is where you will find me, it is where I will find me. It is where the possibility of walls coming down, of people coming together, of uncertainties being washed away. It is about waiting for a time when those walls are broken down, where vulnerability strikes and finding warmth within yourself, within each other.

“And promise me this:
You’ll wait for me only,
Scared of the lonely arms.

Surface, far below these words

And maybe, just maybe I’ll come home”

You always said you would be there for me, you would wait for me to find myself, to love myself. You always said that  you would stick around, waiting for the moment when my walls came down and it was our time. You always said your arms would be waiting, outstretched, reaching for me. There, there would be no more loneliness, there would be only us. Coming back to one another, new people – whole people, finding a comfort in each other that we couldn’t imagine before. Our one day.

“Who am I, darling to you?
Who am I?
Gonna tell you stories of mine
Who am I?

Who am I, darling for you?
Who am I?
Gonna be a burden in time, lonely
Who am I, to you?

Who am I, darling for you?
Who am I?
Going to be a burden”

I found myself in time, I found myself a whole new person. I have grown and become something I never thought possibly. I came out of the shell, the walls are down. I am no longer afraid of what could happen or will happen. I am no longer afraid of the hurt that comes with being vulnerable. I am whole and I am ready. I am ready to tell you everything I have become, everything I have seen. I can’t wait for you to tell me who you have become, the places you have seen and the people you have met. Can we find each other back in the same place emotionally, can we be all that we are together. I am fine on my own but with you, I – we could be so much more. The wonder of it is beautiful.

“Who am I, darling to you?
Who am I?

I come alone here
I come alone here”

The leaves still blow. I am still sitting, you are there now. You came. Alone, you came. Alone, I came. Together, we can build up something based on mutual respect and love. It doesn’t have to be about anything else, just us. We no longer have to be alone, to be alone. We can be alone together and that in and of itself is a beautiful thing.

While watching the most breathtaking season, of Reign I came across this song. The moment that Bash and Mary finally come together. Where Bash is genuine and Mary is unreserved despite everything that had happened up to that point. It was a beautiful scene. It was the scene that made me want them to be together. The chemistry that Adelaide Kane and Torrance Coombs have is remarkable, even in their real lives. The two of them are the closest of friends, she was even a bridesmaid at his wedding. This edit, right here, is what I miss about the starting of Reign – why did it have to end up so badly. Le sigh.

I hope you enjoyed “Promise” by Ben Howard. His music is incredible. It is life-changing.

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